Glimmer

It's hard to tell cause from effect
When you're miserably
Staving yourself into
Clichés of shrinking circles.

When all you know carries jagged edges
All the beckoning blanks
Shine like the shield
Of sunrise,
A blend of friendly colours
Far from the nag
Of carried damage.

I saw my father
Fall into gin
Like his mother before him
Felt the flicker of alarm
That whisky's blissful blankness
Brought me,
Foresaw the discipline of decades
Disappearing,
A rhythm of days
Blurred into
Just one more...

Blinked.
Dismissed this as a holiday from
Hurt - more expensive than its worth,
A three-times yearly treat, maybe.

I will pour my body
Into other moulds,
Grow boldly into
Resistance
Become the grist to my own mill
And thrill to the opium of fear,
Imbibed nightly, if I can stomach it.

Nothing sings through my veins
Like stand-up sounds,
Intent crowds,
A crown of sonnets
Polished verse,
Perverse lyrics
And the bliss of hitting silence
Just.
Right.

And in daylight I'll pound streets
And creaking joints,
Point out weakness and coax it
Into strength,
Count my blessings
And make more,
Not to avoid pain,
But to own the gain
Its absence accompanies

And take each slip
As a gift of growing,
And its own punishment,
Knowing only those alive
Feel its bite.